relearning to play
Do you remember being a kid and friends call and ask if you could come over and play? (I realize maybe not all of us had friends as a kid, but I hope you can imagine the playfulness of children.)
It has been awhile since I asked someone to “come over and play.” As an adult, the question is more “do you want to come over for dinner or go out somewhere?” There is an element of play in having dinner or going out with friends, but it does not have the same feel as the simple request of “do you want to come over and play?”. Kids asking to play want just that – to play.
As an adult, I worry about making sure I have snacks and drinks if people come over, and that there is something to “do.” I don’t think I worried about those things as a kid. The main worry was whether my friend could come over and play.
How can we get back to the heart of a child and invite our friends and ourselves to go out and play? What would our lives look like if we gave ourselves permission to play regularly?
May we all seek to find our inner child and go play this week - and the next.
Ingredients for joy and meaning
Brené Brown talks about an “Ingredients for joy and meaning” list in The Gifts of Imperfection. She and her husband made a list about what their lives look like when things are going well in their family. Things on her list included sleep, working out, healthy food, cooking, time off, weekends away, going to church, being present with the kids, a sense of control over our money, meaningful work that doesn’t consume us, time to piddle, time with family and close friends, and time to just hang out” (102).
I had never heard of or thought of creating an “Ingredients for Joy and Meaning” list. But I have definitely heard of and made plenty of “To-Do” lists. And unfortunately for me, most of the things on my “To-Do” list will not be incorporated on an “Ingredients for Joy and Meaning” list.
When I first read about this list, I thought “what a great idea!” I told myself I would create that list and of course I have yet to make that list. But as I write about this kind of list, I find myself confronting a few things. The first thing is my perfectionistic nature that wants to make sure everything on this uncreated list is “perfect, truly meaningful, and truly joyful.” This list has become a task to perfect, rather than a curious exploration. Secondly, when I think about the question “what does my life look like when things are going well” I get a little anxious thinking “what if I make this list and then things start to go poorly or what if I can’t think of anything?” Needless to say I should go back and read my post from last week about holding good and bad times with a sense of openness.
But here I am encouraging those that read this to take Brené Brown’s challenge to write an “Ingredients for joy and meaning” list, and I would like to follow my own words.
So here are a few things on my list of “When things in my life are going well it is filled with...”
As I quieted myself and made this list, I found myself smiling as I listed different things. Answering this question was of course not at all like my initial anxiety driven/task oriented questions that I mentioned above. Making this list was life-giving and recentered me toward my values and what matters most to me. And I hope that if you take a moment to make your own list that it does the same for you - if not today, then some day.
May we all find our individual spices that bring us joy and meaning.
Time is such an interesting concept. Certain situations make a minute fly by, while other circumstances make a minute feel like an eternity. Regardless the situation a minute is always 60 seconds, but that 60 seconds can feel so different depending on the situation. The clock keeps ticking, the days keep passing, and the sun continues to rise and fall.
This odd sensation of time also occurs during bad times and good times. Bad times seem to last forever, while the good seems to leave far too quickly. It is much easier to hold my breath and desperately plead for the bad times to pass quickly, or hold my breath and eagerly hope that the good times stay for as long as possible. It is much more challenging to hold each experience openly rather than clutching onto the good or trying to throw away the bad.
But it is the clutching that can spoil the good times and the throwing that can elongate the bad. It is challenging to adopt a posture of openness – allowing the good and bad times to come and go as they do, rather than trying to control how long the good times stay and how quickly the bad times leave.
What would it be like for you to breathe similarly into both the good and bad times, and take things as they come?
A therapist in private practice that loves drinking tea, looking at cute and fluffy animals, and often overthinks.